Telling a mum not to worry is like telling water not to get wet.

These two pictures of Ellis leg. The first one is a few months ago and the second one is today.

Scar has healed so well and he is getting some muscle definition back. His has no bone the whole length of the scar, it’s all titanium.

Being a cancer mum you notice everything. Every slight bruise, lump or bump.

I sent these pictures side by side to a few people and no one noticed it. The lump. The hard ball of god knows what that has appeared under his knee.

He has no bone there at all, so it can’t be bone. It feels exactly like the original lump.

Panicking is what I do best, so this I was good at.

I go straight to our notes to look for a phone number. But for who? Who do I phone? The surgeon? The oncologist? The CNS? The ward? I have no idea!

We are in tomorrow for his other chemo but 24 hours is long time for a worried Mum.

There is no protocol for this. No plan in place incase this happens. We have a plan incase he has a fever, that’s a drill we have completed enough times now to make it Familiar, but this….. I’m lost.

Do I wait until tomorrow and speak to the nurses then? Or do I ring around until I get to speak to someone. Do I insist he gets an MRI today and try to negotiate yet another London trip with the girls in tow?

The community nurse has just been and she can’t flush his lines so she thinks they are blocked too. 👍🏻 We would normally have to go straight to rainbow ward to have it unblocked, but the nurse said we can wait until we are up there tomorrow for them to do it. That saves Ellis another trip and means he gets 2 full days at home.

Worrying is one side effect of cancer that no one tells you about.

This is the part that lasts forever.

Xxx

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