This time last year I sat on my sofa absolutely terrified and numb for the year we had to come. As Big Ben struck midnight, I silently cried.
I wasn’t ready to fight.
I didn’t know how to.
I tried to look forward but couldn’t bare to at the same time.
It wasn’t fair. Cancer took me on once before- but that was a breeze compared to this.
This was hell.
Actual living hell.
And I couldn’t do anything other than fight.
So that’s what I did.
I dried my tears and pulled up my big girl pants and faced it head on again. But this time with a roar of ‘mama bear’ inside me.
No one messes with my kid.
As quick as I got the hang of fighting it, 2020 decided to give us another gift didn’t it.
In our world of panic and fear it upped its game.
More infection control.
More sleepless nights.
Less family and friend support.
Less human contact of any kind.
But I drew from the positives. It’s all I had.
No work, no childcare to negotiate, no guilt because I had missed family days out with the girls or missed school assemblies.
The world stopped right when I needed it to.
Positivity was all I had. It was all I could control and I was dammed if I was going to let go of that.
So it became our thing.
Laughing through chemo weeks, messing around on the way to appointments.
Looking back, we certainly did kill 2020 with kindness.
I once read a quote that said “Don’t raise your voice, improve your argument”
And our argument was strong.
We weren’t retaliating to Cancer or Covid. We didn’t even feel like we were fighting sometimes. We were just us. Me and my boy.
And we bossed it.
With huge smiles on our faces.
This year has taken so much from me but also given me much more.
I’m at peace now.
We did it. Together. And turns out we are a pretty unbreakable force.
So 2020, I see your Cancer and Covid-19 and I raise you happiness and positivity.
Because that will always be the winning hand.