So things are pretty good here.
Ellis is doing really well. The girls are the incredible sassy little ladies they always are and I am in a really good place.
So things should be all hunky dory, right?
Just because you’ve had it harder than you ever thought possible, doesn’t mean it won’t ever be hard again.
Mental health is something that definitely shouldn’t be hidden away because of shame or because you think you don’t have the right to feel that way.
I struggle with my mental health a lot.
Does it mean that I’m failing? No.
Does it mean I can’t cope? Not at all.
Does it mean I’m a bad Mum? Absolutely definitely not.
I’ll use social media as an example.
The ‘perfect’ pictures, the days out all smiling and looking our best. But the reality is 23 before and after takes, all unfiltered where one kid has sneezed snot everywhere, I have 17 chins on show and we look as if we hate each other.
Why do we do it? Why do we feel the need to only ever show ourselves at our best. Who are we doing it for?
That one crazy woman who you know knows you can’t stand her, but she still looks at your pictures anyway… 😜
It’s all fake.
It’s a perception of our lives that we are almost conditioned into sharing.
The ‘best’ versions of ourselves.
But these very posts are the posts that make us feel worse.
The competition of who is parenting the best, the rivalry between how many words our toddlers can say and the gloating when little Johnny ate 7 of his 5 a day while Emma did her kettle bells….
Is this the world we are bringing our kids into?
It makes me sad.
I for one, need to start showing my kids that being me is actually OK. Being me is more than OK.
Since meeting Matt (a hot PE teacher who swept me off my feet after giving my son more than anyone else had even attempted to do) we’ve spoke a lot about this and about how for the first time ever, I feel OK to be me.
It’s OK to admit your feeling sad for absolutely no reason at all. It’s OK to go places and see it through your own eyes, rather than a phone screen because you’re too busy recording. It’s OK to be over-the-too happy and borderline annoying for no apparent reason (or even milking period pains to get chocolate 😝).
It’s OK to admit that although you wouldn’t change a single thing about your life, it’s still hard.
The world needs to stop being black and white. It needs to stop being a place where you feel like you should have to feel a certain way because everyone assumes you should.
Life is my story.
I am the author.
It’s time I stop letting other people hold my pen.