Job title: Mum. Shift: 24/7. Pay: absolutely sod all.

It’s finally half term! Nearly 2 weeks off school. 13 days of no lunchboxes to wash and pack, no clubs to pick up from, no stressful mornings asking for that bloody sock to be put on for the 5th time, instead of rolling around on the floor. No getting called in to see the teacher because of behaviour, no more school runs with a ratty toddler who hates both walking and her pushchair. 

This half term is going to be amazing.

Having 4 children is bloody hard work. Along with all my hundreds of hospital and doctors appointments, two of my children also have millions of appointments with physio and the OT for their hypermobility. On top of that we have had secondary schools to look at which has been a pain to say the least! Having to leave half way through my sons favourite school because the horror that is the little one decided she had had enough. No amount of rice cakes or surprise eggs on you tube could have persuaded her otherwise. 

I work one day a week which ironically is like my day off! There I bury my head in filing and other bits to make me feel half me and not just a frazzled out Mum. 

I was asked the other day if I had a ‘real job’ or if I just did one day a week and be a Mum. Excuse me? Real job? Being a mum (or referee as I prefer to describe it) to 4 children is the HARDEST job I have ever done. 

I am a cook, a nurse, a cleaner, a maid, a teacher, taxi, counsellor, a referee, a personal assistant, a cash point…. the list goes on. And the thanks I get? Not some huge pay check which makes the 24/7 shift worthwhile. I get nothing. I get the occasional ‘thanks’ when I moan I dont get any. I get the odd ‘I love you Mum’ when the 3rd child has pissed me off yet again so she is trying to get back in my good books. 

I am currently hiding in the kitchen with the door closed pretending to make dinner, when the chicken is already cooking. 😂 I’m taking the opportunity to not be sat on or moaned at or being told ‘he looked at me again’ urgh. 

Yet weirdly I wouldn’t change a single bit of it for the world. 
So this week has sucked arse. I’m sure next week will too. I’m sure the novelty of half term will quickly fade after a day of all being stuck under the same roof. But for now, in this secret 7 minutes I have had in the kitchen alone with only the chicken for company, it’s bliss….. until in an hour and a half it’s school disco time so it all starts up again……..

xxxx

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Perfect thyroid levels… so why am I still struggling?

A few weeks have passed since I last blogged. I managed to eventually get my bloods done! I booked an appointment with my GP so I knew it would be in and out. My daughter beahaved beautifully which made it even easier. 

I had a phone call today from my lovely trial nurse, Karen who told me my bloods were perfect. So pleased so be on a dose which my body seems to love. 

But with me and my body there is always a however. 

If my bloods are so good then why am I struggling so much? Headaches are back 😩 I’ve been keeping a diary as asked by my GP and there is no pattern to them. They just turn up whenever my body decides to piss me off. The insomnia… oh the insomnia. Hello again my worst enemy. My body aches… physically aches for no apparent reason. If i have a busy day, I will pay for it afterwards. We had such a good weekend with friends, shopping and ikea with lots of walking and a few lates nights which I am now regretting. I feel like an 83 year old trapped in a 33 year old body. 

My irritability and anxiety have come back too, started to get used to feeling normal! I’m still convinced America was my medicine 😂 

I just feel generally ergh all of the time. 

I’m pleased that my thyroid levels are so good because whenever I’ve been to the doctor before they have palmed my symptoms off as part of that, so this time I can say that my levels are fine.

I will be ringing my GP tomorrow to try and get an appointment. I won’t hold my breath for any luck. 

Xxx

We did it! 💍🥂

We are now Mr and Mrs Griffin ❤️ 

We had the most amazing 8 days ever. We were married in Red Rock Canyon, just a 20 minute drive from the craziness of Vegas. It was beautifully perfect. 

We flew into Vegas on the Friday and arrived at 3pm their time and 11pm our time. Anyone who reads my blogs knows I am in bed by 9pm most nights so I knew this would be a challenge! I tried to sleep on the plane as normally I could have a cheeky nap anywhere! But just couldn’t seem to drift off. 
By the time we had checked in, got car and bags and found somewhere to eat, we had been awake for 27 hours straight. This is insane for a ‘normal’ person haha let alone me and my old lady body! It was the worst feeling ever, I felt sick, emotional, angry, I never want to feel like that again. 

Holiday excitement is a drug in itself and should be bottled as I felt great nearly all of the time. We walked around 15 miles one day in 43 degree heat and it was bearable. At home the school run does me in! Maybe I am secretly American. 

With the walking and the heat I lost a whole stone in weight too! A stone 😮 that is crazy. I weighed myself on 2 separate scales as I didn’t quite believe it! 

My body seems to love being in America, every reason to start planning our next adventure… for medical purposes… obviously 😂

Vegas was insane and definitely and experience but LA, Hollywood and Laguna beach were incredible. 

We flew back on the Saturday but didn’t get home until the Sunday due to time difference so we lost a whole day. So again, no sleep for over 25 hours. Ergh. 

We have been back just over a week and on Saturday we celebrated with close friends and family which was such an amazing night. 

Now back to reality, appointments and blood tests! I waited for 40 minutes this morning at the hospital, waiting to get my bloods done. My daughter has had the devil in her today so I knew she would be testing! She told the whole room that she was having a poo and not to look at her 😂 I took this as my que to leave haha. Had to pay £2 in the car park forthe privilege too. 

Now we are back at home with the devil child taking a nap, me catching up with Corrie having my 3rd Coffee of the day. 

I’ll try getting my bloods done tomorrow when I have more patience and when the child doesn’t need to poo. 

Xxxx

It’s all coming together 😊

So in 2 days time we fly to USA to get married! I have packed, re packed and even wrote a list about what I still need to pack. It sounds a little like I’m obsessed. Well I am 😂 we have been planning this trip for 18 months and to think it’s finally here is crazy! But I know what my memory is like, I will get half way around the world and realise I have forgot my dress. My memory is not my strong point lately! 

I’m on more tablets now, which I only started yesterday. I have to take them 3 times a day, so rather than be messed up with the 8 hour time difference, I’ve set it up to take them in Vegas time. Which means a rude 4am wakening for 3 days until we get there! Once I’m awake it’s near impossible to go back to sleep, so I’ve been up since 4am for 2 days straight. Urgh. 

One of the joyous side effects of the new tablets is that I’m in agony! So I’m taking a strong painkiller to counteract. The size of my medication bag for the plane is huge, they are going to think I have problems! 

In exactly 30 hours time we will be boarding the plane, hoping I have remembered to pack everything and looking forward to relaxing for 10 hours. 10 whole hours of sleeping when I want, eating when I want and generally being a bum. The best part of the whole trip 😂 

But until then we still have 2 days to get through. I will probably have to pack one more time, just to make sure haha make sure everything is in place at home, make a few phone calls, tie up a few lose ends and then we will be done. 

All ready to become Mrs. Griffin 😍 

See you on the other side 😘💍

It’s the little things ❤️

Last week I had a phone call from my Trial Nurse, Karen. She said she had read my blog and no one should have to put up with feeling like this until January, so she has ordered me bloods to check my levels. I told her I loved her about 3 times during the conversation. Something as little as ordering bloods is massive to me and I’m so grateful. 

So a little update on me. 

My headaches have gone. I can’t even explain how amazing this is.

My insomnia has gone and I actually sleep all night. Lush!

Night times are so much better in this house. Little lady sleeps through… at bloody last! Anyone with a sleep allergic child you know how amazing this feels 😂 it was a long 2 and a half years of being a zombie mum but we are there 👍🏻 

So we are a house who sleep! Finally!

This should make me feel on top of the world, refreshed each morning after a whole nights sleep. No chance, that would be too easy. That would mean my body liked me.

I wake up and literally have to prise my eyes open. God it makes me grumpy, sorry Glenn 😂. I take my meds then patiently wait and hour before I can have breakfast and coffee. 

Those few hours between meds and lunch are great. I am able to do anything. 

Then the afternoon comes. 1-2pm is the worst hour of the day. I’m having to even avoid driving at that time as I can’t concentrate properly! I plan my days around it and try and fit a whole day of entertaining 4 children into one morning. It’s crazy. I’m 33 but have the body of an 83 year old! 

We had a nice morning at the beach hut yesterday, but I knew it was time to come home. I gave the little ones a bath, put them into their pjs to save sand covering my house and made the mistake of laying on my bed for 2 mins. I fell asleep 😂 really body?! 

We also had a family BBQ Saturday which has been planned for so long. It was lovely to see family who we hadn’t seen for a while as they live away, but the party started at 2pm. The dreaded 2pm. So I spent the whole time sitting in the living room, hoping people wouldn’t think I was rude! Trying not to yawn when I was talking to people is always a tough one! I don’t want them thinking I’m bored or not listening, but once you let one out they just keep coming! 

But on a positive note my wedding dress fits!! I still look like I’m 6 months pregnant and pretty sure I have an over hang of back fat 😂 but it fits! 

I have also lost 4lbs! Not loads but those 4 stubborn little bastards have gone. 

We have 16 days until we go away. That’s going so fast it doesn’t seem real! 2 years of planning and it’s nearly here! I’m certainly not going to let my absent thyroid ruin it.

But in the mean time I have 4 children to entertain in the typical UK rainy summer holidays and a toddler to potty train. I’m going to need an IV of coffee to get me through the next 16 days! 

Bring it on body, I’m not giving in 

xxxxxx

What’s a bit of rain when you are having fun!

On Saturday I held a Summer Garden Party for the cancer support group I run. It had taken months to plan with so many people helping to make it a success. The week leading up to it had a terrible weather forecast! Rain and and more rain! I am always super prepared and like to have a plan B, C and D, but this time there was nothing. A lovely group member has an acre of land and she offered for us to hold it there. Perfect. I hired bouncy castles, organised a face painter, glitter tattooist, an ice cream van, and lots more. All extremely summery things, which would be perfect in the sun. Don’t ruin this for us now rain!

The night before we desperately scrambled to come up with a makeshift plan B, but we didn’t want to be defeated. We woke up Saturday morning to glorious sunshine and it was dry! Result! That was until 2.30pm came and guests started to arrive , the heavens opened. Not just a bit of rain either, actual pouring! Stupid England!

But we carried on, attempting (and failing) to make shelters out of tarpaulin, erecting flimsy gazebos and trying to cover our lovingly prepared picnics from getting water logged!

But it was a bloody good day! There was so many people, children having the time of their lives on a wet bouncy castle, having water fights, sliding in the mud! It was lovely to watch.

We made a massive total of £400!! I didn’t even dream of covering the cost of the bouncy castle, let alone making that much! It was extremely humbling. All of the hard work and stress paid off.

Two lovely ladies, who have been coming to the group since the beginning, 18 months ago, helped massively. If it wasn’t for them, it wouldn’t have been as successful. When I started the group I wanted to help others make friends but I never even thought that I would too. I am very lucky.

I have just finished a write up for the local paper and completed an application form for a grant which I think we may be considered for. Fingers crossed.

I’m glad I have stuck to my initial ideas. The group is a huge success and is growing so fast. Its exciting to think where we will be in another 18 months!

xxxx

From Hyper to Hypo

It’s been nearly 2 weeks since my thyroxine dose has been lowered and I’m really struggling already. My agonising headaches have disappeared which is an amazing feeling, but being hypo is hard. 

It’s summer holidays and with 4 children I don’t have time to be feeling sorry for myself, they want to be out doing things! But it’s day 5 and so far we have managed one park trip for 20 minutes ( I lied and said we were there longer, time goes quick when you are having fun, right?!) 

The rest of the time we have been indoors. Not sure if it’s related and how it affects your immune system but in the two weeks I’ve had a sickness bug followed by a horrendous cold. Who even has a cold in July?! 

The lethargy is the worst I’ve ever felt. I feel like I don’t even have to energy to hold my own head up and that’s not a Gemma exaggeration haha. I’m like a zombie. It’s not even tiredness, it’s like someone has sucked the life out of me and I’m just a empty shell. Even coffee doesn’t help. 

It’s hard not to let it beat you when you feel this shit. 

It’s funny how one tiny 25mg tablet could make such a difference in how I feel. My body’s norm is obviously somewhere inbetween, but with my next appointment not until January, life has to go on. 

But from now until January I have so much I need to feel better for. I get married in 29 days! We are going to Vegas which is a 10 hour flight, a few days there then to LA another 4 hour journey, then the 10 hours back. The way I feel now I’m worried it’s all going to be too much. 

My consultant was fantastic, like I said in my last blog, but even he doesn’t realise that between my 6 month appointments, my life has to carry on. He told me this new dose would probably make me hypo and that it would take a few tweeks to get it right. So in the mean time, I have to just wait it out.

 But lethargy is something you can’t paint over. I can’t pretend it’s not there, like a lot of my other symptoms. I get cold now, so I put more clothes on. I’m tired earlier at night, so I go to bed earlier. But this? “No kids, we can’t do anything for the next 6 months, because I have to wait for my next appointment” I can’t see that happening. 

So today we are going to the beach hut. Comfy chairs and cups of tea while the kids play. 

But if you see me, I probably won’t hold a very good conversation. I’m sorry if I yawn through everything you are saying to me, I’m not being rude. My kids outfits probably won’t match and will be un ironed, but they will be clean and fed… just about 😂

So only 186 days to go. And I’m counting every single one 

xxx