So today marks the first week of GCSEs for Ellis- a huge milestone.
I’m sat here feeling so many emotions.
We made it.
He made it.
One exam per subject to test his whole school life. The same school life that has been massively disrupted by cancer.
I had someone tell me recently that Ellis has only missed out the same as everyone else due to everyone being in lockdown. The same person told me that Ellis’ anxiety towards his exams were exactly the same as all students who feel ‘discombobulated’ as it’s normal to feel so.
This person is a teacher.
People still don’t get it.
The fact that Ellis is even sitting these exams in the first place is absolutely huge and an achievement in itself.
A lovely friend of mine wrote a beautiful piece about the choice of words when discussing someone with cancer. It was to highlight that words like ‘he fought and won’ or ‘he was brave enough to survive’ are so inaccurate and insulting to those who are no longer here.
No one fought harder than anyone. No one was braver than anyone.
And that’s the crux of it.
Ellis isn’t here sitting his exams because he was resilient (urgh- hate that word) enough to fight his way through.
He isn’t here sitting his exam’s because he was so brave.
He is sitting them because, for some reason the gruelling treatment worked for him. Luckily.
He is sitting them after going through 3 years of pure hell where no matter what you do, you don’t have a say in the outcome.
This is the first time in his life since cancer, that putting effort in DOES make a difference.
He CAN work harder to produce a better outcome.
And that is the struggle.
Leaning on medical science for the last 3 years, on nurses, on doctors- trusting that the poison that have pumped through your veins is enough to kill it.
Now it’s all down to him.
So Ellis, I know you read my blogs.
You give it everything you’ve got and get the grades you deserve because you’ve worked so bloody hard to get them.
I’m beyond proud of you.
You’ve got this 💛
Fighter Mummy 